Skull Saws, Bone Dust And An Undeniable Peace

Have you ever noticed that God seems to come through at the exact moment that you need Him? This morning I received confirmation of my upcoming surgery. I guess because it is actually scheduled now, the reality hit me hard.

For the past 120 days, I have lived in a world that at times seems imaginary. I know that I have a huge blood-filled golf ball in my head…I’ve seen the pictures and dealt with the daily symptoms that accompany an irritated optic nerve. When the treatment consisted of a non-invasive groin maneuver, I was a hero of faith. But, when the nurse called and said that I was scheduled for the “real deal” in less than two weeks, I found myself in need of Imodium AD. My stomach literally turned…I was fearful.

I can say that throughout this trial, I can count on one hand the times that I have felt scared…this was one of them. The concept of my body being HERE, and a portion of my head being THERE, sort of freaked me out. What if they drop my head on the floor? I’ve seen a body part hit the floor in surgery before …it was a bad day.

The fact that my aneurysm is located in an extremely vascular area doesn’t help. The cavernous sinus is one of the most difficult areas to operate on because of the amount of blood the surgeon will encounter. From what I understand, I will be put on a machine that will slow my heartbeat down to almost nothing, and lower my body temperature significantly. This freaks me out. This is a serious surgery!

So, needless to say I was struggling. At that exact moment my phone rang. It was my cousin Waylan calling to share a scripture that Max Lucado had shared Sunday morning at his church:

“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; And in the shadow of your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by.” Psalm 57: 1-2

Perfect words…they were like water to a man dying of thirst. I thank God that He speaks today. Immediately, I felt the presence of the Lord, and the fear that had gripped me just moments ago was replaced with peace.

I take comfort knowing that as I lay on that table with saws blaring, bone dust flying, and the sound of bone cracking as they remove a part of my skull, my spirit won’t be there. While my skull will be in the hands of a very good physician, Dr. Duke Sampson, my spirit will be resting comfortably in the shadow of the wings of The Great Physician.

The surgery will be a 2-step process. I will go in on June 13th for the Carotid sacrifice. They will come up through the groin (man, my groin has been messed with a lot lately) and deploy a device that will cut off blood flow to the aneurysm. I will go the ICU to recover and will remain there until June 15th when the second procedure will take place. They will harvest a vein from somewhere in my body and create a bypass around the aneurysm. This will allow my Carotid Artery to once again carry blood up to my brain. This will last about 5 hours.

My soul trusts in you today, Father. I long to take refuge in the shadow of your mighty wings. It is here that I will remain until my healing.