Titleist Update 2

The steam stacks were pumping it out today. Thanks. However, it looks like it will be a couple of weeks before everyone’s schedule can get worked out for the arteriogram. I was unaware that in addition to the interventional radiologist, a neurologist has to be there as well. She is the one who has to give me the neurological test while they have the balloon inflated in my carotid artery. April 8th is the earliest that they can get me in. It was a bit unnerving when the neuro nurse told me today that if I feel the worst headache I have ever felt to call 911 and have me Life Flighted to Denver. I’ve always wanted to ride in a helicopter, just not under these circumstances.

I am going to check with another clinic in Dallas to see if they could do it any earlier, but will trust God that the dam won’t break in the next couple of weeks.

I wish I could express the battlefield of my mind with you. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t walk through the door without hearing, “Let’s westle!” Yes, that’s “westle.” At that moment my heart feels like it weighs as much as a freight train. I so desperately want to wrestle hard with my boys…and they with me. The battle begins. I can’t say no. I simply can’t do it. My boys and those times mean too much to me. I change out of my monkey suit and the battle of the gladiators begins…all the while knowing the possible consequences. What a quandary! It matters, but it doesn’t. I can’t explain the battle that rages in my thought life at that moment. The boys don’t know why daddy doesn’t do the bucking bull or the snake anymore. Both games feature me as the bull and the snake, bucking them off my back (usually resulting in somebody crying…I don’t know why we play it.) I simply can’t afford an elbow to the temple right now. I wrestle emotionally with having to pull back from full contact with my kids. Those are “fist-shaking” moments.

Again, this is not about whether I feel that the Lord controls my next breath. He does. But I know enough to know the dangers I face right now. A sneeze. Bang! Don’t believe for a second that Suzi and I don’t hold our breath each time I feel the urge to sneeze. I have perfected the art of the “non aneurysm popping” sneeze. You simply have to minimize the resistance, so it’s loud and obnoxious but non-constraining.

I want to thank you for reading my emails. It is incredibly therapeutic to put my thoughts on paper to those I love. Not only that, but if there is ever a time that someone can do this in a spam sort of way, it is now. When the Lord heals me, I promise I’ll pull back.

Thanks for responding. I love to hear your hearts.

Thanks for praying, keep the incense stacks steaming. It makes my day.